1. year of the dragon, year of the indeterminable

    January 18, 2012 by amanda

    Hey guys, posts will be back soon! January has been busy, and I wanted a little break from blogging.

    Already, this year I’ve gone from New Jersey, to Tennessee, back to Morioka, to Tokyo, to Yokohama, to Shiga, a quick trip to Kyoto, and now on to Ishigaki Island.

    Shall it be the Year of Amanda, or…?


  2. like a fraying cord, slowly unraveled

    December 29, 2011 by amanda

    I was in the post office, mailing off some of my New Year’s cards. I was kind of hesitant about making them again this year – sadly, the only reason I started the tradition in the first place was to have a convenient way to tell Junya how much I cared about him and our friendship, all syrupy and sweet and saccharine. There really wasn’t a reason for that anymore, yet I found myself wanting to write them anyway. It was my tradition after all, and I would have felt odd not doing it. I mean, my second calling in life is that of Brown-noser so it’s only natural that I pain-stakingly fill out New Year’s cards for everyone and their mother.

    There were only a few that I was actually sending by mail, like a good Yamato Nadeshiko is supposed to do, so the post office will deliver them exactly on the 1st, and because I had to leave most of the back for writing addresses, I couldn’t fit much of a message to begin with. It was for the best after all. Junya’s, along with the other guys who now lived on the coast, only had a perfunctory, simple message, printed small enough that you could say a hobbit had wrote it. I was satisfied with that. A wise friend of mine told me once that perhaps I had just put too much pressure on him – that the things I had wanted from one boy were too much to expect from anyone. And while it’s tough to look at yourself and realize you are just one big gaping maw, seeking attention from anyone and anything, I had to admit he was right. So this, a simple message saying, “Good new year, and good luck,” seemed about the most perfect thing to say.

    I could have just not sent him one, but that would have seemed wrong.

    (more…)


  3. a twinkle in the dark

    December 20, 2011 by amanda


  4. grows every year

    December 16, 2011 by amanda

    My new year’s cards… only a bit less than half finished. Every year my list practically doubles!

    (This is a sign that I should maybe stop being such a suck-up :D)


  5. the light of all the people gone from this world

    December 14, 2011 by amanda

    The “Disappearance” – something that strikes a different town every thirty years. The townspeople are “lost,” simply vanishing into thin air. How do the people who are left behind go on with their daily lives, holding on to such a sense of such loss? What do they hope for? These are the people who have lost someone precious to them. These are the stories of people who have lost the place they could go home to. The people whose lives have been turned upside down by the “Disappearance” gather at the “Lost Town” Tsukigase as if they are guided by fate. Can they somehow stop the Disappearance? Can they overcome their grief? A long-form novel that depicts the connections between people that transcend time. 

    “”It kinda feels like if I took your picture, you’d disappear into thin air.”

    “Disappear?”

    This deeply shook Keiko-san, who knew she should have been lost a long time ago. Was that how he thought of things?

    He gazed at her intently. Almost as if he was trying to prevent her from disappearing. Without thinking, she checked to see if she was still there.

    There she was, standing there. This feeling, this sense of existing, was so ephemeral. The vast expanse of ocean was before her, and she didn’t even feel like it would be strange if such a small existence as herself were to just disappear.

    She thought of the people of the town of Kuratsuji who disappeared instead of her, and the people of Tsukigase, whose disappearance she couldn’t prevent. She might have been one of them, people who disappeared without a trace, without a reason.

    “I don’t care even if I do disappear.” The words came naturally. “All people are eventually lost. It could happen right now, this very moment. And it’s something that no one can prevent.”

    Wakisaka-san shook his head violently, as if he didn’t want to accept it.

    “Are you… Are you going to disappear in front of my eyes too?”

    His voice sounded as if it was wrenched out of the deepest crevices of his soul. It took her breath away. It seemed like there was something wet trailing down his cheek. … Tears?

    As soon as the thought came to her, she too noticed a cold sensation on her cheeks.”

    – “Ushinawareta Machi (A Town Lost)” by Misaki Aki

    This book is super long (500 pages) and full of strange, difficult terminology, but I’m so glad I picked it up. All of the protagonists are girls! And they’re all pretty independent and awesome! And the story is a real page-turner (or as much as it can be while I’m handicapped by the moon language). I guess it really did take a story that wasn’t about romance or school children to get me. I mean, there IS ROMANCE but because it’s not the focus, it doesn’t make me want to rip out pages or my hair or anything. I mean, I’ll tell you what, even though I’m a little less than halfway through, I’d say this is probably my favorite Japanese novel so far. We’ll see if it can keep that up though – Japanese stories have a tend to ruin everything in the ending. Heck, it’s not a national thing; I find American stories do this too. But, well, anyway, if I manage to read 500 pages and then get a shitty ending I’m just going to throw the book in the bathtub for real this time.


  6. a love found, in the quiet snow

    December 12, 2011 by amanda

    The beautiful wedding of one of my very good friends this weekend.


  7. a quiet strength

    December 9, 2011 by amanda

    Yamada Town, Iwate Coast

    Nine months.

    I went to the coast recently for work; there were a delegation of Europeans here to donate money to child care facilities that were destroyed by the tsunami. I hadn’t been to the coast since April, since Monty. I hadn’t been ready. I wouldn’t have been able to do anything. It hurt too much to see. But we all must face our fears eventually.

    What was so surprising was how clean everything was. Only the scattered rubble of the foundations of buildings were left where the tsunami had swallowed towns whole. All of the debris – no, not debris, but the remains of the people who lived here – had been cleared away. If you hadn’t known a tsunami had come, you might have thought it was just urban decay, people moving away, towns slowly dying. But the towns on the Sanriku coast had already been dying before the disaster; children growing up and leaving for better opportunities, populations greying and fading, businesses slowly losing their strength. The tsunami had just been a swift end to all of that.

    And yet. The people are so committed to rebuilding what they had lost. Maybe not in the same exact space – because a tsunami will come again, and again, and again, just as it has for millenia – but this is their home land. Furusato. It’s so easy for us to tell survivors to move inland and restart their lives. People have roots, and history. Even if a tsunami buries a life, a livelihood, at the bottom of the ocean, memories don’t easily fade. I saw it in the eyes of the people we talked with. It had been nine months of sadness and horror, and of quiet grace. It was not a question. Even if it took their entire lives, they were going to rebuild.

    It was grey, and cold, but the children of the coast were just as energetic as ever. In the end, this tsunami will just be a story in their lives. A major story, a story they will never forget, but a story to be moved on from nonetheless. They waved goodbye to us as we drove away, and I thought, these are the children who are going to rebuild. And I just hope I can do whatever possible to help that.


  8. last persimmons of the season

    December 7, 2011 by amanda


  9. i’ll give it to someone special

    December 5, 2011 by amanda

    I said I wouldn’t decorate my apartment this year, because I wasn’t planning on a Christmas party. But I guess with my early start on Christmas music this year, I got inspired. I just can’t help it! Oh, all the years I would curse at my mother for starting the preparations at the beginning of November – “It’s too early!” I would cry. “It can’t be Christmas yet!”

    “Oh, but it is~” and then she would make me hold some trinket or doodad she was about to set around the house.

    Now, every year, I find myself more and more looking forward to Christmas. And well, I have to enjoy it while I can.

    The good thing is that Morioka puts up more and more decorations every year. In a little while it’s not going to be distinguishable from a real, commercial AMERICAN Christmas!!

    +++

    My twenty-fifth was spent in Tokyo, where I had the wonderful opportunity to present at the CIR conference. I also had the wonderful misfortune of catching a cold at the worst possible moment, so I was dying in bed of a fever on my actual birthday. Well, maybe I’ll write all about that someday, about my weekend in Tokyo; the lights, the shopping and Passion Pit playing in the background, dancing to a DJ who sure liked Mario Bros, battling tonsillitis while trying to be professional, getting on the wrong train and going back to Tokyo, making my way to Disney Land and meeting a kind-eyed stranger for dinner…

    But right now, I’ve just gotten back from my first run in more than a week, and I need some sleep.


  10. pet sematary

    November 23, 2011 by amanda

    Out running.