This commercial gives you about everything to know about why Japanese people want to study English. They want to be able to interact and help foreigners in their own backyard. And that’s a great goal. But there’s absolutely no thought put into what happens after you reach that level (which many Japanese don’t, because they’re too scared to talk to foreigners to begin with). English is a skill that makes you look “cool” here but there’s absolutely no need for it. Many Japanese dream of being able to go to meetings with English speaking businessmen and “doing business” in English, but that’s not really a goal. That’s a dream of a cooler person than yourself.

“Well, we always just say ’Makku’ or ‘Makudo’ instead of Makudonarudo, since that takes too long.”

“Hahah, makudonarudo. Mcdonalds~”

“Har har. Don’t you have any sort of nickname for it in the States?”

“Well I know they call it Mac in Australia but the only other name for it I heard in America was ’Mickey Ds’ and that was only because my dad called it that.”

“Mickey D’s! Mickey D’s. I wonder where that even came from.”

“That’s about the same reaction I get there. It’s a legitimate nickname!!” 

I am one of those classic gaijin - I eat McDonalds at least once a month. It’s not even that I hate Japanese food or that I miss “home” (I almost never ate McDonalds at home) but I guess I would definitely call it a comfort food. It just…once I get a whiff of those fries! It’s the chemicals! I read Fast Food Nation! I know they put some sort of addictive cancer causing chemical in there somewhere. I know, but I can’t help but eat it anyway. And then when I finally succumb to one of those horrible cravings I end up eating McDonalds for a whole week or something ridiculous, because I can’t stop thinking about it. After the last binge I think ate this one chicken sandwich like three times in one week (at least it was chicken, I’m sure that’s marginally better for you). And the only thing worse for me than someone who shares my love of Mcds (which is almost all my friends) is someone who hates it. Man, who are those people who say “ew gross mcdonalds, i never eat that.” How have you not succumbed to this?! Although, yes, I do rather wish I was one of those people who “hate” fast food. Seems much easier on the waist, for one thing.

I used to eat it a lot more but the branch near my house closed down about 2 months ago and it’s just too inconvenient for me to grab McDonalds on the way home so I’ve cut down a lot. I hate actually eating at the store (no matter how clean the stores are here), and if I have to wander to town and then get take out and then wait for a bus and then take that home and then walk all the way back to my apartment - well by that time my fries have gotten soggy and cold and I can’t figure out why I even like them *a pretty damning indictment of McD’s fries. All that stuff about Japan McDonalds being really clean and wonderful are mostly true, but they’re always full of obnoxious teenagers with dumb barrettes in their hair who just STARE at me (and why do only high school students wear those dumbass barrettes?). It doesn’t even matter to me that the menu is different, because while I do think the Japan-only items are pretty great, I almost always get a double cheeseburger anyway.

My friend H-chan used to work at the McDs before she started working at the office in April. I used to go so often that I would recognize her as the girl who would always apologize profusely for taking more than a minute to serve me my fries. I would just shrug, having putting time into food service myself. These things happen. One morning my friend K-kun asked me out to lunch so I could meet the new girl who had started working in his office. As we met downstairs, she looked at me and I let out a gasp of recognition. “Oh!” she said. “‘Double cheeseburger’, right??” Eff, now everyone knows about my unhealthy habit!! However, a great friendship has arisen from that kind of awkward not-first-encounter, and she told me once she always appreciated how I always just smiled and said “no problem” whenever I had to wait for food. Apparently most people didn’t.

Recently I stopped in the main street McDs with my fellow CIR to grab some late night alcohol-absorbing food. We had just gotten ripped off at like two different places - one place was just too expensive for what they were serving, and the other charged us on stuff they specifically told me there was no charge for. “Is there a seating charge?” I asked. “No!” and then we get “Snack/Refreshments Charge” on the bill. Snacks and refreshments we couldn’t refuse even if we wanted to, because they serve them to everyone as part of the 400 yen snack charge. I mean, are you serious? You knew what I was asking for when I was asking about a seating charge, but you didn’t tell me because you were afraid I wouldn’t understand the Japanese - NEVERMIND I had just been conversing with you in fluent Japanese. This is why I need to bring along Japanese friends, so I don’t get hosed.

Anyway we went to the McD’s, and the server was really nice, and we were just a bit inebriated, and we told her about these horrible places that gypped us. “They were horrible,” R said. “They tricked us!” I said. “That’s horrible,” she said with a sympathetic smile.

“But it’s okay,” I said. “McDonalds is always there for us!”

They really do indoctrinate us at a young age.

After about the third time someone told me that I had been in the newspaper over the weekend, I fished out the paper from our division archive rack and flipped around until I found this little photo in color. We were participating in a carnival for kids that the international association was holding, and my team was us foreign kids, this little baby, and her parents. Yep, that’s right, our competitive team had only one actual child on it, and she was two. She was adorable though, in a tiny baby yukata and the sweetest little face. Iwate’s international events may seem dinky to some people, and I won’t argue that it’s just not a huge priority for the prefecture, but I’m glad I get the opportunity to take part in them. A lot of people work very hard to present the world to the citizens of Iwate. It’s something that I realize I’d love to do more and more in the future, as opposed to translating/interpreting work.

Plus, F-san at the association has the most adorable smile :)

Usually when people ask me what I hate the most about Japan, or what gives me the most “culture shock” or whatever, I don’t know how to answer them. I’ve been here too long to be shocked by anything anymore, and usually things that bother me are more on a personal individual level as opposed to a cultural barrier. And then it gets warm, and the sweltering summer heat descends, and I remember the one thing I absolutely can’t stand about Japan.

Yeah. See those gloves, and that parasol made out of lace (LACE!), and that sickeningly sweet smile. I hate hate HATE the women who walk around on 90 degree plus days covered head to toe just so the sun doesn’t touch one sliver of skin on their body. There’s no reason for me to hate this. They’re not hurting anyone - it’s irrational! But! This hatred!!! It boils up uncontrollably whenever I see some pale, frail Japanese lady teetering down the street while I’m huffing and sweating and generally boiled myself.

Most of the time these ladies are 30+, skinny as rails with a pursed, prissy expression. No wait, I may just be projecting - but like whatever! Before all yall say I’m just jealous of these women who are fulfilling the Societal Expectation of having skin pure as snow, Imma let you know right now that there is no way I am jealous of having to cover one’s entire body before going out into the sun. I enjoy not sweating and tanning in the summer and not having to carry an umbrella even when it’s sunny. And like, I know! I shouldn’t generalize - maybe these ladies have some sort of skin affliction. Maybe they’re super conscientious about skin cancer. Maybe they’re cold! But I see too many ads on tv for “skin whitening cream” to think of this as any more than pure vanity from most of these ladies.

It’s an irrational pet peeve, I KNOW. I don’t spend nights awake thinking of this, okay? It’s just annoying to me how far these ladies go in order to acheive that porcelein skin. That’s exactly what they look like - fragile dolls. Which is pretty, in a way, I guess - but who are they doing this for? Whose judgment is so important to them that they suffer to reach that ideal? Do these ladies just not want to play outside, or go to the beach, or even feel the summer breeze on their arms? It just feels like a really huge sacrifice of freedom for something that doesn’t matter to most people here anyway - only about 5% of all the ladies on the street will do something like this. I just can’t understand it, and it pisses me off. It makes me feel like a big, clumsy, fat, sunburned chimp, I guess.

But I’m sure there’s something I do that Japanese girls can’t understand and get annoyed with. Like my refusal to shave my only-just-noticeable arm hair (to be fair, that shit would be ANNOYING to maintain). But seriously guys. I literally huff and roll my eyes whenever I see one of these ladies. It’s not that I can’t be friends with a lady who wear arm gloves and visors, but I do like the sun and I’m afraid they would melt.

We were in a crowded Tokyo train line, on a business trip with the business already over. We had the whole night, just the two of us. He was so close, sitting right next to me, but so far away, in so many ways. Sometimes, we would talk, about our lives, about our relationships, about how we felt about things. Sometimes, it felt like he didn’t even want to know me. Sometimes, it felt like we were so close. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. For a long time, I wanted to get over it, because obviously it wasn’t going to happen, and I needed to move on, because it was stupid to be so obsessed with one person. But lately, I’ve almost…given up. I’ve looked for other people, and I can’t find them. All I have is him, and our intimate yet distant friendship, and I realized that what I’ve wanted all along, to feel this passion for another human being, has happened. I’ve gotten to feel what I’ve always wanted to feel. He just doesn’t reciprocate.

“You went to Okuma-san’s farewell party the other day, right?” I asked quietly, and then looked at the floor, studying the feet of all the commuters that surrounded us. “Did you see A there?”

“Yeah, I saw him. I didn’t say much to him though.”

“Why not?”

“Well, like, I know about what happened, with the two of you and like…I just didn’t have anything to say to him.” He crossed his arms and muttered, “He’s an idiot.”

“Oh,” I said, my face hot. “How was he? Did he look…happy?”

“Yeah, he looked fine. I didn’t really get to ask him, but he looked happy,” he chuckled.

“Good,” I smiled, and I meant it. “As long as he is happy, then I’m okay.”

“That’s a very noble way to feel. Not many people could be that way.”

“Well, it wasn’t like we were even really dating,” I said thoughtfully. “And I was so uncommitted to it, you know? I had that other guy that I liked the whole time, even though nothing will ever happen with him. It really wasn’t right for me to be in a relationship.”

He went silent for a long time. “That guy that you like…is he older?”

I fiddled with the straps on my purse, fingers trembling. “Should I answer that?”

“Ah, no, you don’t have to, sorry. We’re on a crowded train and everything. Forget about it.”

Maybe if we had been somewhere different. Maybe if I was braver. Maybe if he was. But it was another missed opportunity, from a year of missed opportunities. And I’ve realized that maybe it’s not so much that I’m scared he doesn’t feel the same - I’m terrifed that he does.

Sekai ga Owaru Made Wa (Until the World Ends)

The movie that always plays in the background when we put this song on karaoke - I knew about this anime for a long time, but it’s only now that our new CIR has professed his love of karaoke that I’ve ever heard this song. And let me tell you - this is what masculinity is, in Japan. I’ve had a bunch of guys my age tell me that I totally have to read this “Slam Dunk” (it’s a series about a high school basketball team written in the early 90s) because it is the “Bible of How to Be a Man.” (wait, are they…trying to tell me something?!) Yes, this is Japan’s version of the Bro. I know dudes here get stereotyped as being a bit, um, feminine, I guess, and maybe they would agree with you, but according to my super scientific research, inside every Japanese man’s heart is a yearning to make a Slam Dunk. Or pilot a Gundam, I forget.

Besides, one of the lyrics reads: Tagai no subete wo shiritsukusu made ga ai naraba, isso towa ni nemurou ka, or, If love is knowing everything about each other, let’s sleep together forever~

Sounds like a man to me ;)

Hi, sorry I haven’t updated in a while. There’s a certain way that I want to write my blog, in a structured way, taking elements of my life and analyzing them and writing about them in a way that it sort of makes sense. Basically I’ve tried to write about my life as if someone was actually writing it, like a piece of fiction. And I’ve enjoyed what I have done so far. But it’s made me realize that the connections and themes that I’ve written about regarding my life are just that - stuff that I have written, stuff that I have made up, that may or may not actually be occurring. And I’ve started to analyze stuff as it happens and think, “oh, I could use that, in my blog.” And you know what? It’s exhausting pretending your life is like a movie.

Things didn’t work out with A, basically. I thought we had a connection, and I wrote that huge entry expounding on that connection. But I guess he didn’t think so. So I’m thinking I want to not be so quick to write about what’s going on currently in my life, and expand more about things I’ve already had a chance to think about. There’s a freshness to an entry that’s posted a day or two after the fact, but I think I also run the risk of becoming inauthentic. I don’t want to get to a place where I make up feelings or situations just so I have better “flow” to my writing (although I suppose it would add an air of mystery to what is true and what isn’t!). There’s things I still need to write about, but I’m just going to take a break and let things simmer in my head for now. I’ll try to update with the “A Morioka for All Seasons” category though, eventually.

At the end of this month though, I’ll have written about every single day of the past year in my little secret diary. I don’t want it to be like Kyoto, where if I didn’t write it in my blog I didn’t write about it at all, because I’ve forgotten too much. It’s so important to me to know what I was really feeling at a certain time, because when I go back and think about it, I almost always think about it in a more rational way, and I lose the rawness of that emotion. It’s not something I want to show to anyone, but it’s something I need to remember. And then hopefully…I can use those words for something more polished, like this blog. We’ll see.

O-san has been coming by every day to my division, with his familiar staccato “haro” and his meandering conversations. I think he hasn’t had much work to do ever since he got promoted, but it’s fine with me because I get about 10 minutes of trying to figure out what he’s trying to say before he leaves abruptly without saying goodbye. It’s interesting, at least. “O-papa” takes my mind off the stillness of my work for a little while, as he makes friends with X and glances, from time to time, at the poor oblivious boy beside me. It’s nice, but I’ve found myself missing his other half, C-san. I haven’t seen her since Golden Week, when I hung out with the two of them for the day (after meeting their son and calling him “Big Brother”) and she bought me my own cup and bowl and chopsticks for when I have dinner at their house. “I miss her,” I said to him. “I’m going to message her today and see if she wouldn’t mind me coming over for dinner tomorrow.”

Later that night she messaged me back. “I’m sorry. Tomorrow I have guests coming over and next week I’m quite busy. Just wait til everything calms down and we can spend some time together…” I was a tiny bit disappointed, but she has been really busy lately - she’s vice chairman of an art committee, they’re putting on a show in a few months, and she’s had some personal problems to deal with. I couldn’t blame her for being too busy to entertain the local foreign girl.

(well, yes, I guess I am at the point where I am getting rejected by my AARP friends too, heheh!)

(more…)

Went mountain climbing on Sunday, on the border of Iwate and Akita, and while we couldn’t make it all the way to the very top, we still got to see Tazawako Lake sparkling in the distance. It’s not the destination, it’s the journey… Plus (geek mode) this place looked kinda like the last area of Shadow of the Colossus, and I imagined I was standing on a cliff at the end of the world, with my only friend dead and a huge mammoth creature to kill before I could rest. Perhaps I’ll be able to conquer that mammoth insecurity of mine in this place, someday. It already feels like it’s getting smaller day by day.

A small flower in a place they affectionately called Moomin Valley. A couple hours later I was soaking in a hot spring the color of emerald, the rusty smell of the sulfer surrounding me. I always think before climbing a mountain, “yeah! this’ll be awesome!” but when I’m actually climbing, I always whine to myself, “why the eff did I think this would be a good idea??” By the time I get to the obligatory onsen afterwards, I always manage to think, “Well. That was awesome.” Doesn’t everyone who climbs mountains occasionally feel that way?

“It’s not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.” - Edmund Hillary

(Yeah but it’s not like I climbed this thing by myself…)

That’s Lin Chi-Ling, the Chinese co-star of the newest Kimura Takuya vehicle, Tsuki no Koibito (Moon Lovers). KimuTaku, as his fans call him, is a huge star in Japan and Asia and stars in one huge drama a year, along with performing with his boy band (er, middle-aged man band by now) SMAP and appearing in, like, hair spray commercials. He’s big. He’s everywhere. He’s gorgeous still at almost 40. I love him and think he has loads of charisma. He’s just not…a very good actor. Or at least, his dramas never really keep my interest for very long. But Tsuki no Koibito is different - I’m enthralled, and it’s not because of anything KimuTaku is doing (if anything, he’s playing more of a creep than anything). Lin Chi-ling lights up the screen and I literally can’t take my eyes off her.

She plays a Chinese factory worker that gets hired by KimuTaku’s character to PR for his interior design firm (or something, I can’t really make heads or tails of it). He rescues her from a life of squalor in Shanghai, and in return she has to be a model for his company. At first she is rightfully caught up in the glamor and miracle of it all, and starts to fall a bit for him, but then she realize he hasn’t kept any of his promises to her fellow factory workers and one night she basically gets relegated to “entertaining” a fat, gross male client of the firm (and he’s an American that’s terrible at Japanese to boot). The way she stared at KimuTaku when she realized what was going on was just sort of brilliant, I think. It’s just amazing that this girl who’s not quite fluent at Japanese managed to act in circles around all the rest of the experienced Japanese actors around her. Shinohara Ryoko even ends up playing the same old tired character (big sister!), which is a shame, because I do love her.

I’m just happy that this show that’s destined to be a big hit on the basis of its stars will allow recognition of a really talented foreigner. Sure it’s a silly drama, and it’s only two episodes in, but I really think the heart of it will be Lin Chi-ling. And what’s shocking is seeing how KimuTaku, who everyone lurrrves, treats this poor woman because she is Chinese, because her lack of Japanese skill and non-Japaneseness somehow gives him a pass to think of her as an object. And because she plays such a real human being, you realize that it is definitely Not Okay for him to use her and then turn around and be bewitched by her beauty and grit out, “I want you.” Because you realize this kind of lopsided relationship, where the power is almost always with a richer, more influential man, is kind of…creepy. At least, I did. Who knows if anyone else got that impression. I just know I’ll be watching to find out (especially since the latest previews show her using his weakness to her beauty to her advantage, and not in a demure, stereotypical Japanese/Asian way either).

Hey, it could be worse, I could be watching The Hills. That is acting on a whole different scale, right there!