I’ve had a tough couple of weeks.

I’m graduating, but I’m jobless. I know, I know, who isn’t? We’re lucky, Class of 2009, we get to graduate in the worst business climate since the Great Depression. It’s fun, it’ll make us stronger people, etc. I keep trying, but another day, another job rejection. That’s how it’s been for me.

I guess I was naive, even though I didn’t think that I was at the time. I thought that all the time I spent last year on all the projects that I completed was worth something. I thought doing that stuff was worth something. I thought maybe it would make my resume stand out, give me a chance. Let me rephrase that - I didn’t pass the JLPT for a resume. I didn’t create my Japanese club for a resume. I did it because I wanted to, and I thought that my drive, my passion would mean something. I thought that somebody would realize that I’d be a great asset. But at the end of the day, I don’t have a work visa in Japan, and I can’t get a job that gives me one.

I don’t want to believe that I wasted my time. But I want to know what more I could have done. I want to know what it was that I could have done so I wouldn’t have screwed up on the most important day of my life.

I’m thinking about teaching English in Korea, just so I can get out. I’m thinking about staying here and trying again for JET next year. I’m thinking about going to live with Holly for a month. I’m thinking about getting a normal job, with a normal paycheck, and just focusing on paying off my loans.

But I don’t want this next year of my life to be a waste. I don’t want to feel like I have to wait a year for my life to start. I’ve thought and thought, and I just can’t do that. I have to make it so it didn’t matter that I didn’t get into JET this year. I have to make it so that I had more fun anyway. This next year of my life is just going to be another step on the journey.

I’m not going to give up.

I’m not going to let this rejection become a turning point in my life, where I start doubting that what I’ve done meant anything. I’m not going to let myself get bitter. Everything I’ve done has meant something, if to no one else but me. I know what I can do, and it’s up to me to prove it to someone.

I can get 1000 no’s, because all I need is one yes.

Because you can’t take away my smile.