I try to see myself as: loyal, hard-working, passionate, non-judgmental, reliable, cheerful, always learning, always trying to be better.
But I am also: self-absorbed, lazy, impulsive. I treat acquaintances better than my best friends and family. I keep saying that I want to do more for my career, for my life, but I never actually do anything. I’m not grateful to the people who do the most for me. I have issues with self-esteem and insecurity. I have a big effing mouth and I can’t keep my own life private, let alone anyone else’s. And I probably still judge the hell out of everyone else.
I don’t want to be one of those people who thinks they’re a decent person when they really aren’t. And after all, don’t we all think we are decent people?
I guess I just gotta try harder. It’s just weird that I think that am like, so self-aware and stuff, when sometimes I do really shit things and I don’t even seem to realize it. Or worse, I do realize it, but I do it anyway. I admire people like Kanye West and the macaroni rascals of the Jersey Shore, for reveling in their flaws and telling all their haters to go screw themselves. But I don’t actually want to be a person who takes glee in flaws in herself even though those flaws are fixable.